Canadian Oh Canada, Eh?
Canucks are Good Sports
“I am from Canada. But I like the US way better.”
Canadian humorist Norm MacDonald
It’s the hockey, stupid!
When Americans think of Canadian sport the question that most often comes to mind is: Why?
And yet, make no mistake about it. Our northern cousins do have sport.
It is called hockey.
(Unfortunately, the last Canadian team to win the NHL championship, the Stanley Cup, was in 1993.)
Canadians also love the ancient and noble sport of Lacrosse and even—wait for it—curling, which is so obscure a sport that even the Scots (who invented it) have troubled remembering how to do it. Because you do curling. You do not play curling. And it has nothing to do with ladies’ hairdressing.
Toronto is the sports capital with big league professional teams in baseball, basketball and hockey. The Blue Jays (MLB). The Raptors (NBA). The Maple Leafs (NHL).
Canadians have no NFL teams. But they do have their own version of American football played on a bigger field with less offense and a great deal more snow. Canadian football may be exciting, but every one of my Canadian colleagues watches the NFL. And not a single American I have ever known watches the CFL. That may be because the rules are ridiculous, the quality of play is terrible, and the cheerleaders would look better in parkas on snowmobiles than in short skirts. And the Grey Cup pro championship is way less exciting than the US college football championship.
Whoa.
This is from writer Dan Bilicki in that esteemed organ, The Toronto Sun: “So now that the Grey Cup has come and gone three days ago, can you name two players on the Grey Cup champion? . . . Probably not, right? That’s because you likely don’t care about the CFL. I, personally, couldn’t care less about this association of teams that amounts to minor league football. I just don’t understand what the appeal is.”
They Play Baseball, Don’t They?
As my friend and writer, Harold, who lives in Montreal says, “To be fair, it should be mentioned that Canada has one baseball team.” The Toronto Blue Jays. There I said it. And in truth they are a pretty good team in a very cool city. They won the World Series in 1993, damn it, beating my favorite Atlanta Braves.
Harold hates the Blue Jays. He had been a fan of the Montreal Expos since childhood. They moved to Washington and became the Nationals in 2005.
When asked to choose five top Canadian sports cities, Harold opted to choose four. Toronto and Montreal, obviously, being both cosmopolitan and beautiful. He also chose Vancouver and threw Calgary in for good measure. Calgary?
“I once had a girlfriend from there,” says Harold. “She was the Queen of the Calgary Stampede
(not his first rodeo).”
(Disclosure: Harold recently moved to Rome. Why? “Because Canada is colder than an Eskimo Pie in winter, most of the year.)
In fact, according to statistics I just made up, most of Canada is uninhabited and most of Canada that is inhabited is cold most of the time. Also, it’s not until July that the polar bears come out of hibernation, and that is only for a couple of hours.
The National Hockey League (NHL), which had its origins in Canada a hundred years ago but is now dominated by American teams is undoubtedly the most important sports organization in Canada,
Despite its name, the NHL consists of 30 teams in both Canada and the United States, though Canadian-born players have long remained the league’s largest demographic. Canada is possessed of legendary teams: The Montreal Canadiens and the Toronto Maple. Other expansion or newer teams are the Vancouver Canucks, the Calgary Flames , the Edmonton Oilers, the Ottawa Senators and The Winnipeg Jets.
Says Harold: “Hockey is our national sport on every level. Canada just doesn’t Maple Leafs have the population to support lots of sports leagues like in the US. But we love our hockey. And to tell the truth we like to watch the NFL and the NBA too.”
“Hands down the best cities in Canada are Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver,” says Harold.
Vancouverite Narcissism
Says Harold: “My uncle ran a restaurant in Vancouver for years. He would have been happy if they hosted the Winter Olympic Games. Vancouverites often feel detached from the world. They are way out on the edge. This self-obsession leads to things like obsessive hiking and writers like Malcolm Lowry (author of Under the Volcano).” Life is all about sports though. People spend their days skiing on Grouse Mountain, surfing at Wreck Beach and strolling through Stanley Park. Vancouver has lots of cultural attractions, including museums and outdoor markets. It’s a young city, surrounded by mountains and beaches with a chic atmosphere of high-fashion boutiques and fondness for great eating that give it the nickname "Hollywood North." Long walks, mountain biking, kayaking, whitewater rafting and skiing.11 miles of beaches. Excellent shopping, dining and nightlife.
Montreal’s Split Personality
Harold’s hometown is Montreal, Toronto’s older rival. Why? He likes the French-English combination: “Skyscrapers mixed with the 17th century architecture of Old Montreal; English intermingles the foreign sound of French. Boulevard Saint-Laurent is a world-class shopping district and a popular party scene. I live very near there. If you are visiting during the winter, you can escape the cold by heading down to the shopping malls and museums of the Underground City.
Toronto’s Size Complex
“Toronto is Canada’s Big Apple,” says Harold. Home of the second tallest free-standing tower. Site of the largest underground shopping mall. The longest street in Canada. Being big is a big deal in Toronto. In other words, "big" is a big deal here in North America's fifth largest city. “Take a trip to the top of the CN Tower to see the whole thing,” says Harold. It’s an attractive city in more ways than one: more than half of this metropolis' 2.5 million residents are immigrants with Greektown, Little Italy, Koreatown, Roncesvalles Village, Little India and Chinatown. Sample beer in the historic distillery district. Take in a major league baseball, hockey or basketball game, take the ferry to Toronto’s Islands from Queen’s Quay or day trip to Niagara Falls, 72 miles away on the US border.
Banff
It’s one of the best destinations in Canada. No pro sports teams but pick your own personal sport here: Ski down Mt. Norquay, hike to the massive, free-standing limestone pillars known as the Hoodoos, climb the face of the Stoney Squaw Mountain or bike along Healy Creek. Retire to your cozy resort and eat a huge bison steak.